we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
