Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
