Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
