We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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