it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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