Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
