It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
