My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
