I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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