GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
