Just took my morning after pill in the library
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize