i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
