i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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