They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
