oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
