I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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