I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
tell me about the fingering
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