So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
