Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
