I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
