drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
