Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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