it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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