I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
