come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
