the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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