How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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