Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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