I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
