I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
