All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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