He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
