you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
