What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
