I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
