saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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