There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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