There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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