my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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