Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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