His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
