I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
