11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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