I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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