did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
