So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
