You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Couch. On fire.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
