Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
