i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
