I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
