I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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