i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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