batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
