you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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