I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
