My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
