dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
