he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
