everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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