he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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