I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
