I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
