I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
