its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
