He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
