Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
