Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
