He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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