I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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