Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
